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Post by paul on Nov 20, 2022 23:57:16 GMT -5
Chapter 2: Couple things confuse me.
Noah doesn't seem to mind that Darrion outs him to a complete stranger (“Oh honey. Talk about the wrong tree.”)
What is it about the strange girl's brief bit of seemingly random and out of nowhere behavior that makes Noah so sure that she can only be seeking dating info for some third party?
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Post by Neal on Nov 21, 2022 3:02:07 GMT -5
I like Desperado. I like Noah and his dad so far. Favorite snarky sentence from chapter 1 “Well, if you're not wearing heels you might be able to catch him. If you start running now." Favorite truism from chapter 1 “I guess sometimes people just...skip over some logical things so they can see what they want.” TECH Note: The “Next Chapter” link on Chapter 1 took me to www.dabeagle.com/stories/dabeagle/sanitaria_springs/despe rado2.html instead of “www.dabeagle.com/storymainpages/Desperado 2 (dabeagle.com).” From chapter 2. Question I'd like an answer to, "Like, who does my brain think it is to keep things from me?" Like, during a conversation during the day I'll be unable to remember a name and then wake up saying the name in the middle of the night. Favorite truism from chapter 2 "Being a complete person is kind of a moving target." TECH Note: “Previous Chapter” link goes to the wrong place too. Bottom line. I'm looking forward to more of this story. Thanks Dave.
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Post by Dabeagle on Nov 21, 2022 8:12:27 GMT -5
Paul - Noah's out. He may be somewhat subdued, but he owns who he is. It just doesn't come us as much as one might think. Noah's assumption about the girl stems from the change in tactics - Corey has been and continues to be straightforward and in Noah's face, so he has no way to connect the two really - mostly due to the different approaches.
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Post by Dabeagle on Nov 21, 2022 8:19:39 GMT -5
Neal - thanks for the tech notes! I didn't catch the path that was baked into the chapters and set up a different one. Adjustments are made and they should be working correctly now - thanks for the heads up!
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Post by Neal on Nov 28, 2022 7:01:05 GMT -5
From chapter 3. Flashback sentence, "I'd like to be in a house with a metal roof just once during a storm, to hear the rain tapping above. I think it would sound nice – maybe it would get old if you were trying to sleep or something, I don't know." Been there done that. It's interesting in a light rain for a while. It sucks in a down poor. Especially if every building in your company area has tin roofs and you can't get away from the noise. Thought provoker sentence, "How is 'built like a brick shithouse a compliment?" I finally Googled it. Link to picture below and an explanation. How is THIS a COMPLIMENT? #Shorts | English History - YouTube I still like the story and the dad. The mom is weird and not a favorite of mine. Especially with the germ spreading. Phil's cameo was nicely done. The conversations at Ian's party with the girls was fun. I really liked them. I'm looking forward to more of this story. Thanks Dave.
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Post by Neal on Dec 5, 2022 1:41:22 GMT -5
WOW... Just wow! Great chapter.
I don't want to give any spoilers away to those who haven't read the chapter yet. But I do have some high lights. It's true! I Fucking Google it!
Favorite sentence, “I just faced down an asshole with a gun for him. What are you going to do? Ground me?”
Second favorite sentence, “I've decided that the expense and extra time that raising kids would take up can be spent in better ways.” I paused. “Isn't that what you said?”
Noah is having an impact on his parents, and I think the mother is... adjusting. The dad is adjusting too, but I think he is more pragmatic.
I liked the Victor, Ian and assorted girl interactions.
This is an intense, plausible chapter. Well Done, Dave!
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Post by Neal on Dec 12, 2022 7:30:01 GMT -5
Desperado 5
Another great chapter.
Question, does “The school had that football player that got beat up a long time ago," mean that Alec is not only a legend in his own mind, but a legend in Sanitaria Springs? I like Lina. I liked their exchanges during their conversation "kitty litter boxes for furries" and “And the fact you sound all pissy means it's an issue.” cracked me up. I had a friend once who was vertically challenged. During the time I knew him I don't know how many times I heard him tell someone "I'm five feet AND ONE QUARTER INCH tall."
The library scene with the mention of other SS characters was nice. Derek's inclusion in the story was nice too.
YAY Mom! She seems to be "adjusting" well.
My last laugh with the story was “Yeah, depends on which convenience store I'm leaving,”. I used to think it was my footwear that made me taller or shorter as I left a convenience store. I'm glad to think I'm not the only one to notice the discrepancies.
Thanks Dave for another fun chapter.
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Post by Neal on Dec 19, 2022 0:56:52 GMT -5
Desperado 6
Another great chapter.
I continue to really like this story.
“You grow up and live inside a box of whatever you're taught." is so true. Sadly, too many people never get out of that box or worse don't know anything exists outside their box. Although, not knowing you're in a box may be better than knowing you're in a box and can't get out. Maybe the old adage "Ignorance is Bliss" is true.
I guess (hope) we are done with Corey now. I'm liking Lina a lot more now.
The interplay between Noah and Walker is fun. I think “Maybe you should join Cross the Yard instead of Cross Country,” is probably may favorite barb now.
Thanks, Dave, for another chapter. I'm looking forward to next Sunday's installment.
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Post by Neal on Dec 25, 2022 20:25:30 GMT -5
Desperado 7 Merry Christmas Dave. I hope it went well for you and yours. TECH NOTE: Picture link on each chapter page is broken. Link takes you to www.dabeagle.com/images/IMAGE.jpg. Story homepage picture link works and takes you to www.dabeagle.com/images/desperado.png. I like this chapter. It is nicely done and builds towards a great relationship for Noah. Walker's dad is a fun character (“Is that anything like going back his room to see his etchings?”). Noah's mom is coming along nicely. I agree strongly, regrettably with "... there's a lot of toxic assholery that goes with sports ball." Sad that so much occurs at the high school level. Interaction between Noah and Walker is very nice. I like the tall guy short guy interaction. Oh O.... Anecdote coming.
I'll make it brief. I'm 6' 4". While stationed in Japan a Japanese friend gave me explicit instructions on how to take the trains to his house West of Tokyo, for a weekend visit. So... there I was, seated on a Saturday, in a Tokyo public subway car full of uniformed Japanese kids. Did you know the kids go to school 6 days a week in Japan? Apparently, nearing my stop, when I stood up in a subway car full of 5-foot-tall black haired and dark school uniformed kids I made an impression on them. I told my friend about my trip and my surprise at seeing a uniform sea of black hair surrounding me, kids discretely looking at me and whispers around me. The only word I could understand was what sounded to me like "guy jin." My friend was embarrassed by the kid's behavior and asked me if they really said, "guy jin". He apologized profusely for their behavior. He was upset that they called his guest Godzilla. Anecdote finished. Please resume normal reading. I'm eagerly awaiting next Sunday for a new chapter and a hopefully a beginning of a great New Year for all of us.
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Post by silentreader2 on Dec 25, 2022 23:55:10 GMT -5
Neal, many decades ago, as a teenager, I was on a train platform there in a small city with few foreigners, waiting for a train that was just approaching the station.
Two local teenage boys, who obviously couldn't imagine that I could possibly understand their language (at least a little) were standing right behind me.
They'd been talking about me, about how odd I looked to them. They started laughing as they said the strange foreigner's nose was big, the strange foreigner's feet were big, and so the strange foreigner's penis must be big, too. (That was some sort of funny saying that made teenage boys there laugh back then.)
I waited until the train was just stopping, and as the doors were opening I turned around and said, loudly, in their language, "My nose is not that big!"
They died, just died, squirming in humiliation.
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Post by Dabeagle on Dec 26, 2022 0:37:54 GMT -5
Desperado 7 Merry Christmas Dave. I hope it went well for you and yours. TECH NOTE: Picture link on each chapter page is broken. Link takes you to www.dabeagle.com/images/IMAGE.jpg. Story homepage picture link works and takes you to www.dabeagle.com/images/desperado.png. And to you as well, Neil. Thanks for the note, I'll have to remove the line as each chapter isn't supposed to have the image, just the main page. The only ones that differ are the short stories.
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Post by dgt224 on Dec 27, 2022 17:32:48 GMT -5
... The only word I could understand was what sounded to me like "guy jin." My friend was embarrassed by the kid's behavior and asked me if they really said, "guy jin". He apologized profusely for their behavior. He was upset that they called his guest Godzilla. What they were saying was almost certainly gaijin, which is basically just "foreigner". If I recall correctly it's considered a little rude to use that term in the presence of the person you're talking about (though I'm not sure if it's rude to use the term or if it's just rude to point out that someone isn't Japanese). There is a more polite term, gaikokujin - "foreign country person", but I don't know that you'd ordinarily hear it from school kids. (In Japanese the more polite term is almost invariably longer, often a great deal longer - compare domo, meaning "thanks", to domo arigato gozaimasu, which is a formal polite form [there are others].)
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Post by Neal on Jan 1, 2023 21:43:30 GMT -5
Chapter 8 Thanks for another great chapter. I'm really liking Noah's dad. First because of “I wanted the stable parts, your mother liked cuckoo clocks.” And second because of “Eventually, you'll put this into a pretty package that you both can depend on.” The Dads way of providing support and guidance to Noah is great. I really like the way Walker is approaching the relationship with Noah. "... lower my head like a baby giraffe... " cracked me up. The Marc and Kendra scene was well done. Kendra needs to get her head out of her ass. I feel bad for Marc though. He seems gullible and easily led. Best sentence in this chapter that I relate to. “What? I could do some weird shit in my day! I'm old now, but let me tell you – I could go like my hair was on fire and my ass was catching.”
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Post by Neal on Jan 8, 2023 23:05:55 GMT -5
Chapter 9 I liked this chapter. Lots of little things that just made it interesting. I liked the scene in the library. Now I’m worried about Nate and Elliot. “How do I tell him I'm chasing my dream when he missed out on his?” Noah's... umm angst is palpable. I can identify with his feelings. The references to other SS characters and events are nice. Walker's mom is interesting. "Some people think the pinnacle of painted art is Thomas Kincaide. Others think it's Gustav Klimt." I had to Google Thomas Kincade because his name struck a chord. I remember seeing his galleries in malls around here but not recently. I was surprised by what I read. “William Thomas Kinkade III (January 19, 1958 – April 6, 2012) was an American painter of popular realistic, pastoral, and idyllic subjects." I was surprised by the information about him and his curious death. Walker's dad is fun too. “You're paying my therapy bills!” Walker called after him." Keep up the great stories Dave they are the best therapy for one of my issues. (P S. Don't you hate it when a clever JPG is ruined by a spelling error!?) (well is, ugh )
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Post by Neal on Jan 16, 2023 1:14:13 GMT -5
Chapter 10 I thought "September was bleeding into October," was an interesting way of expressing Noah's feelings about how his life was going. I liked “Wobbly fucking chair.” Clever use of a few words to convey a huge image. Sad truism, “I know a few people that have their lever set to dimmer,” I said and laughed with him. I like how the story is going. Noah and Walkers scenes are always fun. There are interesting side characters and possibilities for future interactions. I like the "My Person" thread and concept. I thought Noah's mom was becoming umm... likeable. She seemed to be adjusting/adapting to changes at home. But something in the aftermath of the introduction dinner is bothering me. "She lifted her chin a little and placed one hand over the other – a pose that meant she was done." I get the feeling she isn't done meddling. Thanks for another great chapter, Dave. I'm looking forward to next Sunday.
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