Post by Dabeagle on Mar 31, 2015 10:30:08 GMT -5
So as some of you know, I recently took an overnight to Philadelphia. Unfortunately I also threw out my back, thus why I haven't been on here to say a whole lot. I'm still not great, but I wanted to put down some thoughts and share them with you.
We've been to matching events before. Massachusetts, for example, will hand you a spreadsheet with the kids names, if there are siblings and the workers name and turn you loose. This was far more structured - but the salient point right at this stage of the story is that we were going in with lowered expectations because we'd gotten our hopes up about various kids too many times. I have a file on each child we've asked about, some 23 kids. Some we couldn't take because of their trauma, it was more than we could handle and we knew it. One child was subjected to familial sexual abuse by his grandfather and father. Another, his father would duct tape his arms and legs at night and put him in a dog crate with a sock in his mouth. So, you'll understand our attitude was that we hoped to find a child, but that we weren't quite as naive this time.
We arrived Friday and checked into our hotel. We went up to the famous 9th street Italian Market, which is actually blocks worth of stores, and bought my mother some items from her wish list. Some of those cheeses are very, very expensive! Then we did some light shopping in the center of the city and went to a nice dinner at Mangiano's, which seems to be a small, local chain. We had a great evening with some time to ourselves, and we felt the trip was a success.
The next day we went to the event, held inside the stadium where the Phillies play. Right away we spotted a child we liked, who was sporting a bit of a scowl. Our age range has been a tad older than Blake, our son, because we felt that plays to our strengths as well as to Blake's. This structured event put you into small groups that rotated frequently, sort of like the way people describe speed dating. Unfortunately we didn't get a chance to spend time with the child that had caught our attention. Then it was time for lunch. The child, named Mike, was the only one dressed up a bit with a collared shirt, slacks and dress shoes. Desperate to find something to start a conversation I asked about the shoes - saying I needed a pair of dress shoes and asking where he got the ones he was wearing and if they were comfortable. This quickly transitioned to basketball, and then to video games and he asked if he could sit with us. 20 minutes later he was flagging down his worker and asking if he could visit with us, which is the term they use when you are getting to know one another. He wrote our names down so he wouldn't forget.
In speaking to his worker, things look very good. As it happens, his scowl at the beginning was related to his shoes - he'd wanted to wear jeans and sneakers and was put out that everyone else was dressed more comfortably. But if it hadn't been for the shoes....
Also his worker had a conversation with him on the way to the event and he'd asked her what to do if he was interested in a family. She'd told him to write down their names. So we came away feeling tremendously positive. We mailed outr home study, got in touch with our agency and I spoke to his worker today. Here's how things work:
First, he's a little naive as he thought Billy and I were college roommates. His worker will have a conversation with him, but he doesn't seem to have a hateful bone in him. His worker is speaking with her supervisor today and will let us know by the end of the week if we can move forward. What happens then is we start visits - taking trips to Philadelphia to see him and let us all get to know each other. Then the city has to fill out what's called an interstate compact which goes to the state of Pennsylvania who then sends it to New York State. If NYS approves the child coming to NY for the purposes of adoption, then it gets sent down to our agency for supervision and Mike gets to start coming to NY to see us. Ideally he will move in this summer in plenty of time to start school here in the fall, if all goes well.
So, that's where we are! Think good thoughts and I'm hoping for positive news by the end of the week!
We've been to matching events before. Massachusetts, for example, will hand you a spreadsheet with the kids names, if there are siblings and the workers name and turn you loose. This was far more structured - but the salient point right at this stage of the story is that we were going in with lowered expectations because we'd gotten our hopes up about various kids too many times. I have a file on each child we've asked about, some 23 kids. Some we couldn't take because of their trauma, it was more than we could handle and we knew it. One child was subjected to familial sexual abuse by his grandfather and father. Another, his father would duct tape his arms and legs at night and put him in a dog crate with a sock in his mouth. So, you'll understand our attitude was that we hoped to find a child, but that we weren't quite as naive this time.
We arrived Friday and checked into our hotel. We went up to the famous 9th street Italian Market, which is actually blocks worth of stores, and bought my mother some items from her wish list. Some of those cheeses are very, very expensive! Then we did some light shopping in the center of the city and went to a nice dinner at Mangiano's, which seems to be a small, local chain. We had a great evening with some time to ourselves, and we felt the trip was a success.
The next day we went to the event, held inside the stadium where the Phillies play. Right away we spotted a child we liked, who was sporting a bit of a scowl. Our age range has been a tad older than Blake, our son, because we felt that plays to our strengths as well as to Blake's. This structured event put you into small groups that rotated frequently, sort of like the way people describe speed dating. Unfortunately we didn't get a chance to spend time with the child that had caught our attention. Then it was time for lunch. The child, named Mike, was the only one dressed up a bit with a collared shirt, slacks and dress shoes. Desperate to find something to start a conversation I asked about the shoes - saying I needed a pair of dress shoes and asking where he got the ones he was wearing and if they were comfortable. This quickly transitioned to basketball, and then to video games and he asked if he could sit with us. 20 minutes later he was flagging down his worker and asking if he could visit with us, which is the term they use when you are getting to know one another. He wrote our names down so he wouldn't forget.
In speaking to his worker, things look very good. As it happens, his scowl at the beginning was related to his shoes - he'd wanted to wear jeans and sneakers and was put out that everyone else was dressed more comfortably. But if it hadn't been for the shoes....
Also his worker had a conversation with him on the way to the event and he'd asked her what to do if he was interested in a family. She'd told him to write down their names. So we came away feeling tremendously positive. We mailed outr home study, got in touch with our agency and I spoke to his worker today. Here's how things work:
First, he's a little naive as he thought Billy and I were college roommates. His worker will have a conversation with him, but he doesn't seem to have a hateful bone in him. His worker is speaking with her supervisor today and will let us know by the end of the week if we can move forward. What happens then is we start visits - taking trips to Philadelphia to see him and let us all get to know each other. Then the city has to fill out what's called an interstate compact which goes to the state of Pennsylvania who then sends it to New York State. If NYS approves the child coming to NY for the purposes of adoption, then it gets sent down to our agency for supervision and Mike gets to start coming to NY to see us. Ideally he will move in this summer in plenty of time to start school here in the fall, if all goes well.
So, that's where we are! Think good thoughts and I'm hoping for positive news by the end of the week!
and kids! 
