To understand Lucien, you have to go back and look at Robin. When Ryan began to write
Broken Hearted, I immediately liked the Robin character. In fact, I think, I liked him to Ryan's distraction because I was not so hot on Kale to start with. The trouble with some characters is you have to get to know them over the course of time before you come to like them, sometimes, as I did with Kale and Jamie.
As I spoke to Ryan and urged him to write Robin,
Preacher's Kid was the result. For me it was a little bittersweet because I'm not a fan of religion and there was a pretty strong influence of that in this story. So Lucien was born of the idea of the emotion, that bittersweet feeling, of getting Robin (via the story) and yet having him not be truly attainable (the religious influence). It was also born from the idea of writing Alec, his growth and delving deeper into who he was to become - someone who wants to help his fellow humans.
As
Alec's Best Friend took shape and Lucien's longing for Robin progressed, Ryan - at first - expressed some mild concern:
Leafy Superfood? I hate you! LOL That is so funny it actually made me snort when I read it!
So this Lucian has designs on Robin huh? Just don't forget about Charlie.
Love the story so far and can't wait to read more.
R
My response was that it goes against unwritten rules to break up another character, without consent, to further your own story. So I delved into that bittersweet feeling and, by the end of
Alec's Best Friend, Ryan was open to the idea of breaking up Robin and Charlie. I was a little cautious in our exchanges because, while I was writing I was deep in the emotions Lucien was representing, and I wasn't trying to influence future stories at that point. As Ryan reminded me often, he'd never intended to write beyond
Broken Hearted,but his 'car got stuck in Sanitaria Springs'. We discussed several different ways to bring Robin and Lucien together - and we felt it was a good thing from a few different perspectives: first of all, it seems like couples never break up in these kinds of stories. We discussed having' Charlie's character suddenly have a relative several states away step up, we looked at having the pastor's family move to a new...parish/community. In the end Ryan felt that modern communication would allow the Charlie/Robin pairing to linger too long via cell, email, skype, etc.
In the meantime, of course,
Cowboy Up was written, and in that I went deeply into the emotions of that teenage unrequited love. It was at this stage that the decision was made that Charlie would die and the beginnings of
The Ultimate Giftbegan to take shape.
With Robin, I felt I had a known quantity and thus it was a foregone conclusion, after we put them together, that they'd be a very stable couple. Lucien had far more in his background to make him insecure and that was some of the focus, after the original fuzzy, just got together vibe they put out in
Hamster. This was also in direct contrast to the eventual relationship to develop between Alec, Sasha, Kale and Chase.
With respect to the scene with Lucien in
The Space Between, the idea was to show several different conversations about what Alec means to his friends and family in sort of a 'Christmas Carol' type way. Instead of visiting the ghosts of Christmas, Alec visits his friends and feels their worry and burgeoning grief. Lucien's scene was a combination of how we envisioned his attachment to Alec - for all Alec has done for Lucien - mixed with Alec's death scene.
After
Cowboy Up I was kind of down. The emotions of the story, which I was heavily into while writing, were exhausting and depressing. I had an idea, while in the shower, of Alec's death and how it might happen; but it came to me from the perspective of Lucien delivering Alec's eulogy. I wrote the scene and shared it with Ryan, and his response was:
That's a tough one. If you're like me then you have to write when something comes to you or it just rattles around in your brain. On the other hand you can't kill Alec!
What if you wrote it as Lu's nightmare? He might be a little unsettled after being uprooted and moved around so much maybe he has a nightmare about losing his protector as he's settling into his new home?
Don't kill Alec
Just remember that you have a good thing going with SS. Its brought a lot of people together and encouraged some good stories. Be kinda mean to kill Alec after all that.
Then threats:
Hey, hey, hey, be nice to Kale or I'll kill Robin in a car accident!
And:
Black Friday? Um that's not me.
If you kill Alec I'm introducing Robin to a pedophile clown!
And:
T must be good because it made me cry but please make this a nightmare. I really like Robin, I don't want to have to hurt him.
In fact, Ryan used to like to tease me with statements like that about Robin. Of course, he loved them as much as I do. On a side note, I was convinced he'd up and disappear one day and I told him Robin was mine.
In any case, I shelved the fragment and salvaged some of it for Lucien's scene in
The Space Between. The original fragment is at the bottom.
As we delved deeper into Robin and Lucien, it felt natural for them to evolve, but we wanted to keep their essential sweetness. To do that, we've been building Lucien's confidence which reached critical mass in
The Perils of Lucien, and were on full display in the courtroom. From there he continues to grow and work on things that could undermine his relationship, like his possessive nature about Robin. We'll see more of that in the, as yet, untitled Lucien centered story I'm struggling to finish.
Alec's Eulogy
It's a beautiful June day with spring on the cusp of surrendering to its hotter sibling, summer. I have missed a button on my shirt and must restart it, and again. My tie is crooked and my fingers fumble to fix it. I realize it isn't my tie, it's his. He wore it the first Christmas we spent together, when he took me out to 'show me off' to Sasha's dads. He'd gotten a stain on the tip.
The car ride was silent, save for the background hum of someone speaking on the radio. The parking lot of the school was full – over full. It was bizarre the way the cars were parked, so close I wondered how anyone could get out of the vehicles. We did the same, but then we were inside; I don't know how we got out of the car.
The gymnasium is packed. There are chairs upon chairs, row upon row. It seems as if they go on forever, far more chairs than there are gym. Coach Rivers is speaking, choking on his words. I am not close to him, but I hear all he has to say clearly.
“After him, everything changed. Never the type of guy you'd identify as a football jock, he defied stereotypes. Looking like a kid who'd never make it through tryouts, he became a standout and then a team captain. He put this school on the map for football and as a community he dragged us to the next level.
“Our school mascot has been the Titans for the last six years, when we all came together under the Columbia banner. Even though the Giants are geographically closer, the name Titan was chosen because Titans are bigger than Giants. No one was more of a Titan than Alec. Yet, he did not move like a titan. He was fast and powerful, graceful even. He was like a warhorse, at once carrying and be at the front and center of his team in a mad charge against the enemy. Once he'd been knocked down, he'd get up and lead the way again – the mark of a true leader.
“In honor of his commitment and for the gifts he gave so many of us, it is my honor to rename our school mascot the Columbia Chargers, in loving memory of Alec Kutsenko.”
I was at the podium. I could see the people, but I couldn't. Their faces were blurred – was that because of me or them? There, Sasha. Over there Zap and Travis. Here, Kale and Chase. And there, dear Robin and Charlie. Tears flow and my nose is filled with Robin's scent, as if I have my face buried to his skin.
I am speaking, my voice fills the chamber and yet it sounds hollow.
“My brother, Alec, saved me. He pulled me up from the wreck my life was in and gave me parents who love me, friends that have become my family. Alec taught me that blood doesn't make a family, love does. Alec loved me, but he always thought others didn't love him.
“He lived with that. He pined to feel that others did, in fact, love him. He was unable to see, hiding behind his humor. Behind his quick wits and sharp mind, he was alone.
I fall silent, my words ringing in the rafters. My friends are horrified – they all loved him, how could he not know? I want to scream because you never told him! No, not fair, Sasha told him. Did I tell him? Oh, God, did I? I hear the phone. Just like it rang that night – nothing good comes from a phone call in the middle of the night. It's the police. They are sorry, so sorry.
“Alec...he told me that making me part of h is family taught him what he wanted to do with this life. He said it was clear he wanted to help people. It seems like those people – the ones who want to help, who believe in humanity are always dragged down by those same people. We hurt the ones we love.
“Alec and his beloved Sasha were packing,” I could see the apartment, smell New York City through the window. No, I can't. I know what it smells like, but I smell Robin. The crowd is waiting, restless.
“It was after midnight and most of their boxes were packed, but they needed to finish. So Alec had gone down tot he corner bodega to get some caffeine and snacks to see them through. As Alec stood in line there were more customers than usual for that time of night. They had Met's gear on, they were the attendants of a double header.” I could not know this, but knew this. I saw him, cargo shorts and a white sleeveless v-neck tee.
“ A man came into the store, demanded money. Had a knife. Alec stepped in front of a family whose father had just stepped in up to protect his wife and two tweens. Alec's hands out, placating. Speaking. Pleading. Bargaining. The flash of the blade as a hero tries to disarm the robber. A twist, a foot here and a loss of balance there. The white tee runs red.
An ambulance screams to a halt. Movement, like a director has yelled 'action'! Blood pools on the floor of the dirty, cracked tile of the bodega.
In the audience, my mother in her bathrobe. Her tits are hanging out and the knife is in her hand. It drips blood. I want to scream, try to hold myself but my arms cannot reach me. I feel, but something – nothing – blocks me.
The gym shakes, the crowd is uneasy. They are questioning, they are pushing, poking, prodding. Squeezing. I close my eyes, vertigo swirls behind my eyelids and I scream.
“It's okay, Lu. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here.” Alec. His scent. My eyes are open, blurry. My fingers clutch and his grip is strong. He is here.
“Alec, you're okay,” my breath carries words with barely a sound.
“Yeah, I'm here. You're safe. That was some scream,” he says softly, his hand is rubbing my back up and down. His scent is overridden, I can smell Robin and wonder why.
“Alec,” I say, leaning back and blubbering. “I never told you I loved you. I never did.”
“Oh, well, that's okay,Lu. I know you do.”
“No!” I shout and hit his chest once, twice. “No! I love you! You have to know!”
“Okay! Okay, it's all good.” His voice is soothing. A hand, on my shoulder. The scent, so familiar: Robin.
I turn my head and he is there. They all are. Robin, Charlie, Zap and Travis. Sasha, behind Alec. Kale and Chase, concerned. I feel small. Embarrassed is too short a word. I look at Alec, lip trembling.
“I'm sorry.”
“Don't be,” he said. “Although you about crushed Robin.”
I look at him, and his lips move in a thin lipped smile. “That's some kung-fu grip you have, Lucien.”
“I...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
“It's okay. I think Charlie might a been a little jealous,” he tried a smile. It doesn't work. I look back to Alec.
“What happened, Lu?”
“You were dead,” I whisper. “I saw you die. No one told you they loved you and you died.”
“Hey, I can survive without being told everyone loves me,” Alec said with a chuckle.
“You don't understand,” I broke from his grip and stood, turning to look at all of them. “No one tells Alec they love him. He jokes. He helps. He stands up for everyone. No one says they love him.”
Alec has gone red and the group just stares. I turn back to Alec and grip him, glad that my nightmare is over. He's here. “I love you, Alec.”
“I love you too, Lucien.” he says thickly.
Just remember that you have a good thing going with SS. Its brought a lot of people together and encouraged some good stories. Be kinda mean to kill Alec after all that.
