|
Post by Dabeagle on May 25, 2016 7:26:53 GMT -5
While I have been trying to find time to get the writing tips videos done, among other things, I haven't b een as active here on the boards and haven't had as much writing time. As usual, it's because of kids, but things have changed since I last spoke about it. I'll give you a minor update, as you see I'm rushing off to work as well, but I do feel a little guilty with my slow responses to emails, posts and everythign else (because I, not Cynus, are the center of your universe. Take that, Cynus :-p)
Seriously, though, Blake has stabled out and we are so relieved and pleased with his progress over the last three weeks. The combination of his effort, the therapy and the helping hand from the meds is really starting to feel like it's paying off. We're hopeful it continues.
Our foster is another story. In brief, the county will file a TPR (termination of parental rights) in August. She has been kicked out of drug court and simply refuses to get clean - she even tried to deal in the waiting room of her rehab. I think our foster is starting to get the sense that he may not be going home, given the restraining order and that he hasn't seen or spoken to her in a few months at this stage. This is manifesting in some major problems at home as he lashes out.
Adding to that mix is Vermont called us. My husband's great nephew is in the system and in need of an adoptive placement. To be honest, we're not really excited about it. We feel morally obligated to give it a shot, but frankly we're a little tired.
That's it, in a nutshell. If I get a chance, I'll get that video done today - too hard to do with the kids at home and they are off from tomorrow till next Tuesday because of unused snow days! Ugh!
|
|
bobby
Young Hound
Posts: 93
|
Post by bobby on May 25, 2016 15:25:01 GMT -5
Glad things are settling down Dave.... i have never been a proponent of meds... but i know that they are needed by some to help them have some control.
A single friend just adopted two teenage boys (16 & 15) he was fostering. Glad that he was able to give these boys a safe place they can call home. Not sure that is something i could do. The older i get the less patience i have for people, so i doubt i could deal daily with teenagers. I'm going to end up being the old guy who sits on his porch yelling at people to stay out of his yard. LOL
|
|
|
Post by Lugnutz on May 25, 2016 17:41:21 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Dabeagle on May 31, 2016 9:30:38 GMT -5
Glad things are settling down Dave.... i have never been a proponent of meds... but i know that they are needed by some to help them have some control. A single friend just adopted two teenage boys (16 & 15) he was fostering. Glad that he was able to give these boys a safe place they can call home. Not sure that is something i could do. The older i get the less patience i have for people, so i doubt i could deal daily with teenagers. I'm going to end up being the old guy who sits on his porch yelling at people to stay out of his yard. LOL To be clear, we aren't a fan of meds either. The foster system can be a vicious cycle - the county is required to make family reunification the main goal, even for people who have been addicts longer than their children have been alive. So while the kids are in foster care and the parent is 'given supports' to help them get off their addiction and become a functional member of society. In the interim, the kids are often damaged and are eligible for counseling, which is a good thing that it's available and not so great that kids think they are screwed up for going to counseling (even though, frequently, they are screwed up and need the help - the stigma is just too much for them). Sometimes, though, the behaviors are such that behavioral corrections don't work to keep the kids safe and reasonably under control at home, school and out in public. We tried for two years, almost three, to change Blake's behavior through consequences, rewards and reasoned explanations. We went to therapy. We did everything we were asked to do the best we could, which wasn't always that good. But Blake has issues that run far deeper than his time with us. He's got a violent streak. He's stubborn and refuses, refuses to recognize when he's wrong. He will continue to blame others for his actions to the point of utter madness. Last year, he threw a tantrum (a meltdown) and he put an egg on my husbands head by slamming a door into him. Our own bedroom door. My husband was trying to close himself into our bedroom with the dogs for everyone's safety. We had the police here twice this year because our son was so wildly, dangerously out of control. After the incident last year, we finally decided to go the medication route. The logic is that he needs something that puts control back in his hands until he can accept and use the tools that keep him in control; afterward we can dispense with the meds. One issue is that we all react differently to meds. Some have allergic reactions, some don't metabolize certain things well. Some have little to no effect while another may be acutely affected. So, now that we have a combination that seems to address the major things and leaves him whole and functional, we have to try and be happy for now with that. When he decides that he has to change, to learn to control himself - because no matter what anyone thinks, you can't make someone do something - then we can have the luxury of dialing back the meds and getting him back to his natural state with tools, coping mechanisms, that he can handle and utilize. Unfortunately, it's all on him and he is incredibly stubborn and insecure. It's not an easy thing.
|
|
|
Post by JohnInOhio on May 31, 2016 19:31:37 GMT -5
I'm glad that things seem to be working out. In an earlier age he would spend tons of time outdoors running the energy off and finding outlets for his aggression. Unfortunately we're in a time when any unsupervised child is considered in danger, and parents who loosen the reins are suspected of abuse. Of course, living in a rural setting would give plenty of space to roam. When I grew up I played around a pond in a vacant lot. Friends went frog gigging (Not me - I wasn't eating those things.) We spent a lot of time there. It was only a few years ago I was thinking about those times when it occurred to me that that "pond" was likely a hole dug for a basement for a house that was never built. No one even considered it a hazard.
I can think of a number of things we did at that time which would get us in trouble today. And, by trouble I mean locked up in juvenile hall. We didn't even think we were doing anything wrong.
Good luck raising your son. Maybe he can help you with your VW restoration. We adopted a daughter when she was about 3 months old. My daughter is turning 40. She seems to have finally settled down. There is hope.
|
|