Post by Dabeagle on Sept 3, 2016 14:55:56 GMT -5
No matter how well we know people, we rarely like every little thing about them. We don't agree on everything. Despite those differences, we manage to form close bonds of affection and respect with some people.
I have no doubt that many of you would walk away from a discussion with me somewhat disappointed. Perhaps some of our tastes are so divergent in important ways that I wouldn't be the person you might have envisioned.
That was the way my relationship with Ryan developed. I'd sent him an email about a story he'd written, Summer's End, and added some criticism. He was a tad cold; accepting feedback was never his strong suit. (To be fair, some of the fault must be mine because my feedback had ruffled feathers before.) Our relationship might have died there, had it not been that he read the original Sanitaria Springs. His comment was very short, simply that it had been a long time since he'd connected emotionally with a story and a word of thanks. Eventually he reached out, wondering how to write in that universe.
I'm usually excited to get people who are interested in adding to the universe. More so if I have some idea of their writing ahead of time and already respect their work. As his first story developed, I tried to encourage him while pushing him. We discussed the story, the characters and where they would go. The rest, as you know, developed into a huge universe.
I sometimes share things about Ryan that weren't flattering. Some of you may feel that's in poor taste and I'm sorry you feel that way. Like me, Ryan was a deeply flawed individual. A product of his upbringing, as we all are to a degree, he was trapped in ideas that never allowed him to be who he ached to be. In many ways his life is a cautionary tale of a sad man too afraid to claim the things he should have in his life and to reject the prison bars he himself kept in place.
I don't say these things to run him down. He was human. He had very strong qualities that made him a good person—he was smart, independent minded, loyal and very aware that he was a flawed man. We spent many hours discussing the characters, plotting courses for their lives and sharing a depth of emotion for our boys. While I continue to share this universe with new writers who take us in new directions, old friends Like Cynus who spring up to forge stories that may sit idle for a time, I cannot help but say that Ryan had a big impact on me and reminded me of the writing process that worked so well for me before. I do not create in a vacuum. Through discussion and collaboration my writing can thrive; it's a lesson from him I can keep close and use to keep moving forward.
Ryan died a year ago. He wanted to come out but was too scared. He hid behind a crafted wall of arrogance, especially in his personal life where friends who did want to go to Pride events wouldn't take him because they thought he was a homophobe. He was, truly, only afraid of himself. As I make corrections and additions to his final work, Signing Day, I'm reminded of what we've lost, collectively, and what I lost personally. It's a bittersweet time, but because of all the additions I have to make it's almost like we're writing together again, and that's good.
I have no doubt that many of you would walk away from a discussion with me somewhat disappointed. Perhaps some of our tastes are so divergent in important ways that I wouldn't be the person you might have envisioned.
That was the way my relationship with Ryan developed. I'd sent him an email about a story he'd written, Summer's End, and added some criticism. He was a tad cold; accepting feedback was never his strong suit. (To be fair, some of the fault must be mine because my feedback had ruffled feathers before.) Our relationship might have died there, had it not been that he read the original Sanitaria Springs. His comment was very short, simply that it had been a long time since he'd connected emotionally with a story and a word of thanks. Eventually he reached out, wondering how to write in that universe.
I'm usually excited to get people who are interested in adding to the universe. More so if I have some idea of their writing ahead of time and already respect their work. As his first story developed, I tried to encourage him while pushing him. We discussed the story, the characters and where they would go. The rest, as you know, developed into a huge universe.
I sometimes share things about Ryan that weren't flattering. Some of you may feel that's in poor taste and I'm sorry you feel that way. Like me, Ryan was a deeply flawed individual. A product of his upbringing, as we all are to a degree, he was trapped in ideas that never allowed him to be who he ached to be. In many ways his life is a cautionary tale of a sad man too afraid to claim the things he should have in his life and to reject the prison bars he himself kept in place.
I don't say these things to run him down. He was human. He had very strong qualities that made him a good person—he was smart, independent minded, loyal and very aware that he was a flawed man. We spent many hours discussing the characters, plotting courses for their lives and sharing a depth of emotion for our boys. While I continue to share this universe with new writers who take us in new directions, old friends Like Cynus who spring up to forge stories that may sit idle for a time, I cannot help but say that Ryan had a big impact on me and reminded me of the writing process that worked so well for me before. I do not create in a vacuum. Through discussion and collaboration my writing can thrive; it's a lesson from him I can keep close and use to keep moving forward.
Ryan died a year ago. He wanted to come out but was too scared. He hid behind a crafted wall of arrogance, especially in his personal life where friends who did want to go to Pride events wouldn't take him because they thought he was a homophobe. He was, truly, only afraid of himself. As I make corrections and additions to his final work, Signing Day, I'm reminded of what we've lost, collectively, and what I lost personally. It's a bittersweet time, but because of all the additions I have to make it's almost like we're writing together again, and that's good.
). We're definitely all flawed, in our own ways, but I daresay that's why Ryan was such a great writer. It's why his characters have real emotion, and we could believe they actually existed.