ivor
Puppy
Posts: 49
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Post by ivor on May 31, 2023 5:47:52 GMT -5
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs.
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside
service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service
was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and being a typical
man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently
gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I
felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was
already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played
like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I
wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and
started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never
seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks
for twenty years."
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Post by Neal on Jun 1, 2023 7:08:06 GMT -5
I liked your bagpipe humor. It reminded me of this one.
A guy walks into a bar in the early afternoon. He sets a duffle bag on the bar and orders a beer. When the bartender sets the drink down the duffle bag begins to move. The bartender yelps and asks what the hell!? The guy dumps an octopus out of the bag. The bartender tells him to get it out of here. The guy says it is a very valuable and rare octopus, and it can play any instrument. So, he can't let it out of his sight. The bartender points to an upright piano and says "Prove it and your drinks are on me." The guy thumps the octopus and points at the piano. The octopus maneuvers over to the piano and starts playing Chopin and after a few minutes' finishes with some Elton John and returns to the bar. The bartender is shocked and goes to the end of the bar and comes back with a guitar and places it on the bar. The guy thumps the octopus again and points at the guitar. The octopus surrounds the guitar and starts playing a little Segovia and after few minutes' finishes with some Eric Clapton songs. The bartender says one more instrument and drinks for you will be free for a week! He then goes into a backroom and comes back with a bagpipe and replaces the guitar on the bar with it. The guy starts to thump the octopus, but it is already headed for the bagpipes and is soon all over it, but no music is coming from the bagpipes. The bartender goes Ha! no free drinks for you! The guy says just give it a minute. When he figures out, he can't fuck it, he'll play it.
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Post by Dabeagle on Jun 19, 2023 12:31:55 GMT -5
I was mentally thinking there would be some joke about how badly bagpipes sound and how the4 guy must have been a prick what with playing them once he's dead...but that set me laughing!
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