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Post by paul on Feb 21, 2016 13:10:32 GMT -5
Nice to see TWL getting such perceptive comments on GA. One of the things that makes the story so rich are the various threads that are weaving together and build our anticipation of seeing how they resolve. For example, how Ehren got to the life he was leading at the start of the story. We've had brief, almost offhand remarks from him about the events and, finally, one small revelation of how he feels about it - when he mentions how thoroughly his parents had screwed him. What did happen to him? What are the feelings he has about it that, so far, he's had to repress just to be able to " deal."
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Post by Dabeagle on Feb 21, 2016 15:31:11 GMT -5
I admit I'm very happy to be getting those responses. It sort of sucks that I have to go elsewhere to find them, but it is what it is. Interestingly enough, the story has over 3500 views-500 alone for this chapter- yet still generates a relatively love like and comment count. FOr instance, less than 30 likes for the 500 views.
I agree, though, about the comments - and as a writer, I love it. I love knowing the character has touched people and that they are enjoying who they are and find their story interesting and compelling enough to ask questions and guess at the direction.
One thing that used to happen before I only posted completed serials, was that I'd consider those potential outcomes that people would mention and sometimes it would influence the outcome of the story - one of the negatives of not knowing how it ends! After the way Toy Soldiers flopped, this is a welcome shot in the arm and couple that with working with Cynus and I'm getting back into gear!
If only I could pay Cynus to be my muse, eh?
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Post by Lugnutz on Feb 22, 2016 8:32:57 GMT -5
You can't have him. I'm using him.
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Post by PaulR5 on Feb 25, 2016 1:21:01 GMT -5
Wow! I didn't see the events of Chapter 6 arriving that quickly, although I perhaps should have done so.
Dave, this is just getting better and better.
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Post by Dabeagle on Feb 25, 2016 6:54:05 GMT -5
Wow! I didn't see the events of Chapter 6 arriving that quickly, although I perhaps should have done so. Dave, this is just getting better and better. I'm curious what you thought you might see before this? And you're quick on the draw! I got everything coded and loaded last night, but was too tired to do the index page so I figured I'd do it this morning - and before it was even announced, you'd read it!
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Post by PaulR5 on Feb 25, 2016 8:48:25 GMT -5
Wow! I didn't see the events of Chapter 6 arriving that quickly, although I perhaps should have done so. Dave, this is just getting better and better. I'm curious what you thought you might see before this? And you're quick on the draw! I got everything coded and loaded last night, but was too tired to do the index page so I figured I'd do it this morning - and before it was even announced, you'd read it! Well, I often am up past 11 p.m. Central time, so I looked at the links of the serials and saw that Almost Famous and The Wish and Things We Lost had been updated. So, I read them. Then I commented on TWL as soon as I finished reading it. A) I did not expect Tris and Ehren to admit they have feelings toward each other as quickly as they did. B) I did see coming the possibility of what Tris shared with Ehren about the events a year ago. But, IF that were so, I was not sure when it would be revealed. But part of that was pointed to by remarks made in earlier chapters, which by themselves, would not add up to that. Adding all together, however, they pointed to the possibility. Then Tris confirmed it. Good foreshadowing, Dave, yet without giving anything away. C) And then there is Brandon. I would have expected it to be another chapter or two before Brandon was revealed as a thorny good guy. D) Not surprised about Tris and his family and the situation described. E) I am still waiting to see if there later appears to be Tris and Piper fighting over Ehren, a possibility strongly hinted at earlier. Good going, Dave. Or, more formally, "Well done!"
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Post by Dabeagle on Feb 25, 2016 10:39:08 GMT -5
Well, I often am up past 11 p.m. Central time, so I looked at the links of the serials and saw that Almost Famous and The Wish and Things We Lost had been updated. So, I read them. Then I commented on TWL as soon as I finished reading it. A) I did not expect Tris and Ehren to admit they have feelings toward each other as quickly as they did. B) I did see coming the possibility of what Tris shared with Ehren about the events a year ago. But, IF that were so, I was not sure when it would be revealed. But part of that was pointed to by remarks made in earlier chapters, which by themselves, would not add up to that. Adding all together, however, they pointed to the possibility. Then Tris confirmed it. Good foreshadowing, Dave, yet without giving anything away. C) And then there is Brandon. I would have expected it to be another chapter or two before Brandon was revealed as a thorny good guy. D) Not surprised about Tris and his family and the situation described. E) I am still waiting to see if there later appears to be Tris and Piper fighting over Ehren, a possibility strongly hinted at earlier. Good going, Dave. Or, more formally, "Well done!" A) The story starts roughly at the end of spring and finishes at the end of the summer. One of the things I struggle with, here, is not stretching the story with many mundane things to show the passing of time - so at the point their declarations are made it's been more than a month. B) Thank you. C) Brandon is based on a kid, named Brandon, I met at a New Years Party at a friends home. Initially my husband and I thought he was a nice, cute 16 year old. As the night wore on, we both decided he was a dickhead. Some of that is me projecting onto his parents for not addressing things that I would have with my child or as a guest in someone else's home. For instance, he was disparaging of their dogs and pushing them away from him, sometimes forcefully. They are small dogs (dachshund and terrier) and just being close to them was enough. He shoved a third dog, also small, with is foot and told their foster daughter to keep the smelly thing away. He also ordered folks as to what to do at various points and, when the karaoke was over, came into the room making rude comments. The only reason I salvaged him at all is because the real one actually did have a girlfriend, so maybe he has a redeeming quality somewhere and our friends say he' has his issues' so maybe there is something there I don't know about. D) Tris is based on a guy at our local Y. They have an afterschool program and he watches the younger kids in a portion of the gym. I've never met him, but he looks like Tris and walks like he owns the space without coming off like an arrogant ass. E) Fight over Ehren? Thanks, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story! Only two chapters to go!
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Post by paul on Feb 25, 2016 15:39:55 GMT -5
What a great chapter end. Notice I didn't say "cliffhanger," because it isn't. It's like a crescendo in a piece of music that comes when it needs to and packs a wallop, but you know it isn't the Big Finish. It just occurs organically, to steal a term from the story.
Which brings me around to both agreeing and disagreeing with my fellow-paul. Like him, I'm enjoying the story and I agree that the Tris troubles of a year before were effectively foreshadowed. But that kind of thing is going on all through the narrative - things of significance _now_ in story-time grow out of things that happened or were mentioned earlier - organically, again.
I think you effectively addressed the passage of time via "days began to blur" and "as the days passed" so I didn't get a feeling that Ehren and Tris's relationship advanced too suddenly. And I appreciate that the passage of time wasn't padded with extraneous activity. Events-bloat is a big problem with online authors, imo.
I don't think the Brandon characterization happened too quickly - after all, it was a significant issue for Ehren, who by now you'd expect wouldn't be inclined to hide his feelings about the guy from Tris, who you would equally expect to honestly and realistically explain his relationship with the one who had been his only friend through the "troubles."
The "fighting over Ehren" was just a misapprehension on the part of Mrs. Malone during that first family dinner. Made for an amusing exchange at the time, but that's it.
I hope I'm not coming across as Brandon-prickly, but I just found paulr5’s comments a convenient launching pad for my own thoughts.
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Post by paul on Mar 4, 2016 23:06:18 GMT -5
Just because life right now doesn't permit me time to write a longer appreciation, don't think I'm not continuing to love this story. All I'll say about ch.7 is, we knew this part of the story wasn't over, and seeing how it plays out will be really interesting!
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Post by paul on Mar 11, 2016 11:26:58 GMT -5
High school culture will present an interesting set of challenges to Ehren in the sequel (hint hint), won't it? On the one hand he's well in advance of his peers in terms of risk assessment and survival skills - ahead of most adults, really - but seriously inexperienced in social skills that don't involve life-threatening situations!
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Post by TeddyBower on Mar 17, 2016 22:21:47 GMT -5
I'm a bit behind in my reading and as you may recall, I generally don't read serials until they are posted as complete so I just now completed Things We lost. Dave, you've been a favorite author of mine since I first started reading dabeagle.com in late 2003 I think. In Things We Lost I believe you've exceeded yourself. Truly, you have. This story had me in its grip almost from the first paragraph and it never let me go until I finished the last sentence of the epilogue. You do so well at weaving the tale together with suspense, passion, pathos, hope, tragedy, joy, triumph, love, all these and more. This story in particular moved me. Thank-you for that. God knows I love a happy ending Someone in this thread suggested the possibility of a sequel. I've mentioned before that to my mind sequels carry a certain challenge and danger. I love the story of Ehren and Tristan just as it is. To my mind, and with all the respect possible to the opinions of others who may disagree, no sequel is needed. As I've also said before, however, if anyone could do it and do it right, you could.
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Post by Dabeagle on Mar 21, 2016 8:33:28 GMT -5
I'm a bit behind in my reading and as you may recall, I generally don't read serials until they are posted as complete so I just now completed Things We lost. Dave, you've been a favorite author of mine since I first started reading dabeagle.com in late 2003 I think. In Things We Lost I believe you've exceeded yourself. Truly, you have. This story had me in its grip almost from the first paragraph and it never let me go until I finished the last sentence of the epilogue. You do so well at weaving the tale together with suspense, passion, pathos, hope, tragedy, joy, triumph, love, all these and more. This story in particular moved me. Thank-you for that. God knows I love a happy ending Someone in this thread suggested the possibility of a sequel. I've mentioned before that to my mind sequels carry a certain challenge and danger. I love the story of Ehren and Tristan just as it is. To my mind, and with all the respect possible to the opinions of others who may disagree, no sequel is needed. As I've also said before, however, if anyone could do it and do it right, you could. That's a lot said right there! I understand not reading until it's complete, I have been guilty of stringing folks along as much as anyone else. How remarkable that you've followed me for so long, yet I don't recall us having traded words until recently! Thank you for those comments; I've long felt that if I've made you feel, I've done a big part of my job - as long as it's not anger at having read something poorly constructed. The idea for a sequel can be tempting when there are some questions that weren't answered, when there is a selfish need to continue communing with a character who may have told his story or simply to prolong the positive interactions with readers. I have written down some ideas for a sequel and we'll see where that takes me, as time allows.
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Post by TeddyBower on Mar 21, 2016 22:51:34 GMT -5
I'm a bit behind in my reading and as you may recall, I generally don't read serials until they are posted as complete so I just now completed Things We lost. Dave, you've been a favorite author of mine since I first started reading dabeagle.com in late 2003 I think. In Things We Lost I believe you've exceeded yourself. Truly, you have. This story had me in its grip almost from the first paragraph and it never let me go until I finished the last sentence of the epilogue. You do so well at weaving the tale together with suspense, passion, pathos, hope, tragedy, joy, triumph, love, all these and more. This story in particular moved me. Thank-you for that. God knows I love a happy ending Someone in this thread suggested the possibility of a sequel. I've mentioned before that to my mind sequels carry a certain challenge and danger. I love the story of Ehren and Tristan just as it is. To my mind, and with all the respect possible to the opinions of others who may disagree, no sequel is needed. As I've also said before, however, if anyone could do it and do it right, you could. That's a lot said right there! I understand not reading until it's complete, I have been guilty of stringing folks along as much as anyone else. How remarkable that you've followed me for so long, yet I don't recall us having traded words until recently! Thank you for those comments; I've long felt that if I've made you feel, I've done a big part of my job - as long as it's not anger at having read something poorly constructed. The idea for a sequel can be tempting when there are some questions that weren't answered, when there is a selfish need to continue communing with a character who may have told his story or simply to prolong the positive interactions with readers. I have written down some ideas for a sequel and we'll see where that takes me, as time allows. Well, the thing is, I've been rather busy with other pursuits in my life, and so I was just one of those annoying silent readers [rolleyes] I've had some very personal and painful struggles during these intervening years that absorbed my energies. What energy I have expended in this genre have either been reading or writing rather than interacting. I've quite a collection of stories I've written. Some are near complete and others not so much. At any rate, I've enjoyed this venture interacting with all of you, interacting and sharing our thoughts on the various stories.
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Post by Dabeagle on Apr 1, 2016 23:55:41 GMT -5
So, good news! After extensive hunting (literally days and tons of pages and images to sift through) I found the person that took the original image and am trying to gain rights to it. Should it work out, I will write the sequel I have in mind and box them together to be released early for folks that want to donate for it, maybe Amazon it as an ebook - in general use it to pay for whatever the license fee might be and help defray site costs.
On the downside, there was a companion image and the person is neither young nor attractive - in fact, considering what I built out of it, and Ehren looks nothing like the guy!
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Post by paul on Apr 2, 2016 19:32:37 GMT -5
Good news! Writing the sequel isn't contingent on getting the photo rights, I hope not.
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