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Post by paul on Jan 21, 2016 23:11:42 GMT -5
This looks very promising. The kind of characterization I enjoy so much in a Dabeagle story. I'm excited!
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Post by Dabeagle on Jan 22, 2016 6:36:39 GMT -5
I hope you feel that way by the end!
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Post by PaulR5 on Jan 29, 2016 9:47:17 GMT -5
This looks very promising. The kind of characterization I enjoy so much in a Dabeagle story. I'm excited! So far, this is starting out somewhat different than any Dabeagle story I have read thus far. It reminds of authors David Lee, Cynus, Andrew Todd, Ronyx, and Quokka, with Dabeagle's guiding and stiffing and pulling the strings. (Quokka is an author who sometimes writes unevenly, though getting better, ranging from very good in one chapter to causing one to scratch their head in another chapter.) David Lee and Quokka have both written one or more stories involving homeless youth. I'm reminded of Cynus because of some things from Ashes of Fate Season 2, and how the main characters had to always be on the move. I'm reminded of Andrew Todd and some things from Lessons Learned, the second part of the Riding Lessons trilogy. I'm not sure why I am reminded of Ronyx, but he is a very good author. I can recommend this for great reading.
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Post by Cynus on Jan 29, 2016 14:25:30 GMT -5
This looks very promising. The kind of characterization I enjoy so much in a Dabeagle story. I'm excited! So far, this is starting out somewhat different than any Dabeagle story I have read thus far. It reminds of authors David Lee, Cynus, Andrew Todd, Ronyx, and Quokka, with Dabeagle's guiding and stiffing and pulling the strings. (Quokka is an author who sometimes writes unevenly, though getting better, ranging from very good in one chapter to causing one to scratch their head in another chapter.) David Lee and Quokka have both written one or more stories involving homeless youth. I'm reminded of Cynus because of some things from Ashes of Fate Season 2, and how the main characters had to always be on the move. I'm reminded of Andrew Todd and some things from Lessons Learned, the second part of the Riding Lessons trilogy. I'm not sure why I am reminded of Ronyx, but he is a very good author. I can recommend this for great reading. One thing about Dave's writing, is that he's actually always pulling strings the reader may never see. He has a lot of subtle variation to his work and always has, but sometimes he takes great leaps to new subjects, and I think that's when you find the most passion in his work. He told me as he was working on this story that he'd been driven to write it (Not necessarily the actual words he used, but something to that effect). He doesn't feel that way about every story he writes, at least that's how I remember it from our conversations. When the strings disappear and the work is seamless, that's when you have a masterpiece on your hands, and I have a feeling this story will give you just that.
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Post by Dabeagle on Jan 29, 2016 21:11:19 GMT -5
Wow. Um, check's in the mail, Samuel.
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Post by Dabeagle on Feb 1, 2016 6:48:08 GMT -5
I guess I should probably write a more appreciative response. If I ever get big, though, Cynus can be my marketing person. Originally I fell in love with the image used for the story. I had two ideas that were competing to be written, the other being a fantasy story that I may yet get to. I did start both, maybe a page in, and they both sat there for a bit. Ehren's story began coming to me, though, and I started a logic outline, working out how he was going to get where he needed to be and how things would play out. After it returned from beta and editing, my editor had posed some good questions in later chapters. I started to add to the story even as the first chapter hit the servers.
Now that I've added those scenes, I'm very happy with this little book and I'd be thrilled if you took the time to talk about it! Of course, I'm always thrilled when you take the time to talk about it!
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Post by paul on Feb 11, 2016 23:22:16 GMT -5
I hope you feel that way by the end! Well, we're up to Chapter 4 and I'm still loving it, so there!
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Post by Dabeagle on Feb 11, 2016 23:46:22 GMT -5
I hope you feel that way by the end! Well, we're up to Chapter 4 and I'm still loving it, so there! That's great! Tell me, what do you like about it? What's standing out to you?
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Post by paul on Feb 12, 2016 1:08:54 GMT -5
We have the kind of protagonist you do so well: strong in some ways - despite his youth, Ehren survives in the mean streets because of his courage and wits - but also vulnerable because, ironically, he fears what he needs most, a connection with people. Understandable because his experience has been that people who should have been worthy of his trust have let him down. He's clever, resourceful and while he can be blunt, he's compassionate. We get really interested in how he'll deal with new challenges.
You narrative procedes with a natural, logical flow; so much online fiction has a kind of rambling stream-of-unconsciousness (and I say that deliberately) that induces skimming and also gives you that uneasy feeling that the author doesn't quite know what end point he's leading to, or if there even is one. TWL is like your other work in that it's like a ride with an experienced driver - I'm confident I'll arrive at my destination, and on the way I can tell you're following a good route.
It's interesting to see that the most dramatic events in the story and the most suspenseful are not the attempted rape, or the close escape from Buster and goons or the bookstore holdup, but if, when and how Ehren might deal with people who really do care for him.
That's not been really specific about points in the story, but I think it gets across my feelings while reading it.
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Post by Dabeagle on Feb 12, 2016 7:24:09 GMT -5
That's a great amount of detail! I think TWL flows better than a lot of my serials because I knew where I was going the entire time and made notes before writing. It seems I was right about that, at least !
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Post by paul on Feb 18, 2016 15:45:47 GMT -5
I like the way Ehren's cluelessness about certain things is conveyed, for instance:
"Ehren, your tongue is hanging out."
"Is not."
Simple, succinct, endearing.
But we also know he's preceptive, sensitive and intelligent. The big question is if his eventual enlightenment will be like a bolt of lightning knocking him flat or something more subtle!
Another excellent chapter with effective - and entertaining! - character-revealing and plot-advancing incident. I think this ranks up with the best of your work, and I'm enjoying every minute. As usual, I find myself going back to re-read and savor.
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Post by Dabeagle on Feb 18, 2016 19:33:26 GMT -5
Thank you so much and I'm glad you're loving Ehren as much as I do! I've reread and tweaked this story to death! I'm still reading it over again, though. I started making some notes for a potential sequel!
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Post by paul on Feb 18, 2016 20:02:13 GMT -5
I started making some notes for a potential sequel! Music to my ears.
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Post by PaulR5 on Feb 18, 2016 20:11:03 GMT -5
I started making some notes for a potential sequel! Music to my ears. Music to my ears, also! I am enjoying what social things Ehren knows and what he doesn't know. In some ways, the suburbs seem possibly more dangerous, at least socially, than the streets.
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Post by Lugnutz on Feb 18, 2016 20:12:12 GMT -5
x3. I like new stuff.
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