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YDKM
Apr 26, 2018 15:05:23 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by simonuk on Apr 26, 2018 15:05:23 GMT -5
Love the first Installment - thank you! Still debating the full installment option but that's no reflection on your work its more to do with the fact I enjoy a new chapter to read on a Sunday! But like I say mulling it over...
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YDKM
Apr 27, 2018 0:41:30 GMT -5
Post by paul on Apr 27, 2018 0:41:30 GMT -5
Love the first Installment - thank you! Still debating the full installment option but that's no reflection on your work its more to do with the fact I enjoy a new chapter to read on a Sunday! But like I say mulling it over... I did pop for the full story and read the whole thing, so I can't really give specific feedback without unloading tons of spoilers, but I will say that I found it as engrossing in terms of characters and narrative as the best of Dabeagle's serial stories. Since the first chapter sets up the premise, I'll say that, once you've done the suspension of disbelief thing, the way it develops is plausible, and you're quickly grabbed by a can't-wait-to-see-what-happens-next compulsion. Some nice wryly amusing scenes, too.
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YDKM
Apr 27, 2018 9:04:15 GMT -5
Post by Dabeagle on Apr 27, 2018 9:04:15 GMT -5
Love the first Installment - thank you! Still debating the full installment option but that's no reflection on your work its more to do with the fact I enjoy a new chapter to read on a Sunday! But like I say mulling it over... I did pop for the full story and read the whole thing, so I can't really give specific feedback without unloading tons of spoilers, but I will say that I found it as engrossing in terms of characters and narrative as the best of Dabeagle's serial stories. Since the first chapter sets up the premise, I'll say that, once you've done the suspension of disbelief thing, the way it develops is plausible, and you're quickly grabbed by a can't-wait-to-see-what-happens-next compulsion. Some nice wryly amusing scenes, too. I'll have to ask you later what you found amusing!
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YDKM
May 6, 2018 10:08:31 GMT -5
PaulR5 likes this
Post by paul on May 6, 2018 10:08:31 GMT -5
I did pop for the full story and read the whole thing, so I can't really give specific feedback without unloading tons of spoilers, but I will say that I found it as engrossing in terms of characters and narrative as the best of Dabeagle's serial stories. Since the first chapter sets up the premise, I'll say that, once you've done the suspension of disbelief thing, the way it develops is plausible, and you're quickly grabbed by a can't-wait-to-see-what-happens-next compulsion. Some nice wryly amusing scenes, too. I'll have to ask you later what you found amusing! Now that we're up to chapter three I can mention Janice the bedside-manner corpse and Henry's spluttering response to Drake's take-downs.
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YDKM
May 7, 2018 12:53:30 GMT -5
via mobile
PaulR5 likes this
Post by simonuk on May 7, 2018 12:53:30 GMT -5
I'll have to ask you later what you found amusing! Now that we're up to chapter three I can mention Janice the bedside-manner corpse and Henry's spluttering response to Drake's take-downs. Loved Drake's destruction of both myself. I'm always appreciative of acerbic wit, and Drake is gonna be dangerous in the body of a young teen but with the life experience and world-weary knowledge of a middle aged man. It's certainly becoming interesting to see him trying to make amends for the dickhead-ish behaviour that he has no knowledge of!! Interesting to see other people's reactions to his seeming personality transplant. Really enjoying it so far thanks Dave
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YDKM
May 7, 2018 13:55:31 GMT -5
PaulR5 likes this
Post by DavidAMorse1701 on May 7, 2018 13:55:31 GMT -5
I found its Quantum Leap element enjoyable. Although I was not a fan of that TV series. I like seeing a science fiction/fantasy second chance story.
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Post by paul on May 8, 2018 0:41:18 GMT -5
I found its Quantum Leap element enjoyable. Although I was not a fan of that TV series. I like seeing a science fiction/fantasy second chance story. Y'know, I personally didn't need an explanation of how it happened; I would have been satisfied with just saying it was a spontaneous irruptive discontinuity of the chronosynclastic infundibulum and let it go at that. Because the story isn't about why it happened but about the consequences and how Drake and others dealt with them. The prelude with its conversation with the bartender, though, was necessary backstory and character sketch of Drake-to-be. It's like faster-than-light travel in Jack Vance science-fiction novels - no explanation of how it works, but you don't care because the important thing is that it makes possible fascinating stories and adventures.
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YDKM
May 16, 2018 18:10:01 GMT -5
Post by GeeWhillickers on May 16, 2018 18:10:01 GMT -5
I'm really enjoying this story so far. Shades of 'Replay' and 'Do Over' and a few others. Well done so far!
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Post by Steve T. on Jun 25, 2018 15:18:15 GMT -5
Loving this story! I spent nearly a month in the hospital and then quite a few days at home unable to sit at a computer for more than a few minutes, so I was thrilled to see all the new chapters (at least new for me) and read them all at once.
I think a lot of people, especially gay folks, sort of fantasize about this story concept. How many of us would like to do it over again? And Drake has that chance...AND he still remembers everything that he knew as an adult.
Thanks for this!
Steve
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YDKM
Jun 25, 2018 21:23:24 GMT -5
Post by PaulR5 on Jun 25, 2018 21:23:24 GMT -5
I'm really enjoying this story so far. Shades of 'Replay' and 'Do Over' and a few others. Well done so far! Someone else that has read "Replay!" Yes. Love those elements of the story.
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YDKM
Jul 2, 2018 10:24:06 GMT -5
Post by Dabeagle on Jul 2, 2018 10:24:06 GMT -5
So it's all done - what do you guys think?
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Post by paul on Jul 2, 2018 12:12:03 GMT -5
So it's all done - what do you guys think? You handled the underlying concept perfectly, I think, by concentrating on the how the protagonist handled the two big challenges: how to change the perceptions of people who knew the old Drake, and more importantly, how to re-live his own early life better and more rewardingly than he had the first time around. You didn't get bogged down in the mechanics of alternate reality or in going into how the protagonist's old family might have fit into it, or if they even existed. Frankly the former would have bored me and the latter would have been an unnecessary distraction from the real story. I'm glad you didn't ignore the novelty of such apparent maturity in such a young person but instead had characters directly address it by marveling at it as just that, a remarkable novelty. A whole sub-plot of suspicions of cosmic weirdness would have been another unnecessary distraction. Characterizations were spot-on and interesting and I didn't feel as if any character was anything like a cardboard stereotype. Henry Burgess, the house director, could have become one, but even he eventually, grudgingly, accorded Drake a degree of respect. The closest to being a gay teenage fiction stereotype was Jeremy, but fleshing him out would have been another distraction. The rest of the supporting cast - especially Giles - were a delight. The character I found most affecting in terms of raw empathy was James Murphy. His portrayal as a basically decent person whose lack of self-worth, bordering on self-loathing, subverts his every attempt to build relationships is heart-breaking. That in the end Drake isn't willing to give up on him I think is a real testament to “new” Drake's character.
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Post by Steve T. on Jul 2, 2018 18:08:08 GMT -5
I truly enjoyed that! And I liked the ending since it leaves the reader the opportunity to imagine the rest of the story. Sometimes, I think amateur authors try to tie up too many loose ends and the story kind of drags on longer than necessary. Well done.
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YDKM
Jul 2, 2018 21:41:09 GMT -5
Post by Dabeagle on Jul 2, 2018 21:41:09 GMT -5
So it's all done - what do you guys think? You handled the underlying concept perfectly, I think, by concentrating on the how the protagonist handled the two big challenges: how to change the perceptions of people who knew the old Drake, and more importantly, how to re-live his own early life better and more rewardingly than he had the first time around. You didn't get bogged down in the mechanics of alternate reality or in going into how the protagonist's old family might have fit into it, or if they even existed. Frankly the former would have bored me and the latter would have been an unnecessary distraction from the real story. I'm glad you didn't ignore the novelty of such apparent maturity in such a young person but instead had characters directly address it by marveling at it as just that, a remarkable novelty. A whole sub-plot of suspicions of cosmic weirdness would have been another unnecessary distraction. Characterizations were spot-on and interesting and I didn't feel as if any character was anything like a cardboard stereotype. Henry Burgess, the house director, could have become one, but even he eventually, grudgingly, accorded Drake a degree of respect. The closest to being a gay teenage fiction stereotype was Jeremy, but fleshing him out would have been another distraction. The rest of the supporting cast - especially Giles - were a delight. The character I found most affecting in terms of raw empathy was James Murphy. His portrayal as a basically decent person whose lack of self-worth, bordering on self-loathing, subverts his every attempt to build relationships is heart-breaking. That in the end Drake isn't willing to give up on him I think is a real testament to “new” Drake's character. Oh you're right about the potential for distractions - and my beta readers can tell you the original ending was at the football game! I really wanted a way to get onto the meat of the story so I dind't spend time on building a detailed backstory or even a name for the person who'd end up as Drake. Sometimes young people can surprise me in some settings, but overall they usually show their immaturity. I think Drake managed to slip gratefully into having less responsibility as a kid than as the adult he'd been.
Jeremy - yeah, you're right. He was my least developed character and you're right, there wasn't much that would have avoided a rabbit hole for that guy. Some folks you can reason with and others....
James is a kind of character that has been on my mind. Gay men like him can't hide from the world, unlike the 'straight acting' guys. I think it's why the stereotype of the 'bitchy gay guy' is so prevalent because they had only their tongue and sharp wit to fend off others. They are the strongest, I think, yet also repeatedly hammered on, especially as young men. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
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Post by Dabeagle on Jul 2, 2018 21:42:19 GMT -5
I truly enjoyed that! And I liked the ending since it leaves the reader the opportunity to imagine the rest of the story. Sometimes, I think amateur authors try to tie up too many loose ends and the story kind of drags on longer than necessary. Well done. Well, it originally ended a little short of where I ended up and one thing lead to another. In fact the final chapter was redone and not even the editor got that final version, I don't think. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and welcome back, Steve!
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